Why do I come last?



Have you noticed the number of coaches that have started businesses in the last year or so? So. Many. I also LOVE that there are this many people who are dedicating their lives to helping others in the areas that they struggle with. I mean, discipline (the ability to keep oneself on track) isn't exactly everyone's strong suit. (I see you in the back row with your hand in the air.)


This morning I was doing my quiet time work and this question came up, "Do I have a hard time setting healthy priorities for myself?"


Oh dang. That hit between the eyes.


Healthy. Priorities. For MYSELF.


Next question: How has this hurt myself?


Follow-up question: How has this hurt others?


Does this speak to you? Does this bounce around your brain like a pinball in a pinball machine, jumping and tapping off of all the other tasks and items and "things" that you have made more important?


Do you say things like, "My business is a blessing and a curse," and, "I'm so tired," and, "I wish I had more time"?


In the last week I had this ah-ha moment. A wake up moment. That moment when everything becomes crystal clear. I am the master of my own life. I'm the captain of my boat. I'm the leader of my own person. If I don't do it, no one else will.


Then today's question, "Do I have a hard time setting healthy priorities for myself?" And that would be a yes. Because I have been trained to believe that everyone else comes first. My kids, partner, and ALL the people.


But here's the thing: I am not a life coach. Or business coach. Or any type of coach. I am Heather. A mother, former wife, two time business owner, daughter, sister, friend. And that adds up to a whole lot of life experience of what-not-to-do and some what-to-do but more what-not-to-do.


Here's a few What-Not-To-Do's:

- Don't think you can do it alone. You can't. You need people. We are designed to be in relationships with others. Doing it alone will literally drive you crazy.

- Don't pretend it's all okay. It's not okay. It hasn't been okay for a long time. And it's okay that it's not okay. Because you didn't know any different.

- Don't ignore the warning signals. Some warning signals: You're tired. You feel like you are at the edge of yourself, pulled thin and taut, ready to break dramatically. You want to run away. You dream of being in a quiet place where no one wants anything from you.

- DO NOT under any circumstance shame yourself for not being able to do it all. You are more valuable than that. Unhealthy shame attacks our worth, our value. Kick it to the curb because it will kill you.


Are those speaking to you?? Okay. Good. You needed to hear that.


Now here's a few What-To-Do's:

- If you own a business and are flat out: Raise your prices. Yes. Again. And keep raising them. The people who want a great thing for nothing will move on. The clients that are worth it will praise you to high heaven. They see that you are worth it. They are waiting for you to see that you are worth it.

- Define (on paper if necessary) what is most important to you.

- Use the word NO. No is a full sentence all on it's own. Oh...and you don't need to provide an explanation. Say, "No, thank you." "No, not right now." "No." And keep saying no to all the appropriate things.

- Say YES to all the appropriate things. Yes to the longer shower. Yes to the pretty dress. Yes to the foot soak. Yes to the 10 minute walk without anyone around. Yes to standing in the rain and feeling the cool drops on your skin. Say YES.

- Figure out your boundaries. And if you don't know what those are give me a call. (Literally, text me and we'll set up a time and I'll tell you about boundaries. For free. Gratis. No charge. Because I had help with boundaries and if you need it then I'm happy to help you with it. Paying it forward and all such things.)


We (that is you and I) are no good to anyone else if we don't start setting healthy priorities for ourselves.


Tip: Start with one. Just one. It takes work starting a new habit, a new behaviour. So start with one. And keep it little. A snowball doesn't start out big. It starts out small and as it gets pushed around it grows.


Please let me know how you're going. And if you need support with stuff please reach out. I may not be able to physically do anything but I am working on learning how to listen and be empathetic.


Here's to healthy priorities for the end of 2020!


~ h


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